I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
