just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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