Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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