Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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