I just pynch a tree in the face
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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