If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
