I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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