when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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