I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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