I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
