You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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