do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
