I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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