So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
