Will you blow on my dice?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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