while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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