they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
