There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
