I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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