did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
