I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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