belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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