i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
