I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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