Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
