Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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