Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
