Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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