I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
