He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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