I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
