I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
