I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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