how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
