im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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