my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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