Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
