i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
