Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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