i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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