He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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