tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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