My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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