He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
