tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
