New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
