I think I died a long time ago.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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