put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
