there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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