Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
