Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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