You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
