Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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