Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
