it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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