12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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