I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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