If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
