I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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