exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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