i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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