He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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