Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
