Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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