You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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