my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
