the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
