That's intense
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
