I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
