this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
