I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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